Windmera-Desperation Read online

  WINDMERA--DESPERATION

  By Claudy Conn

  Editor: Alicia Carmical

  Artist: Dawn Sullivan

  CONTENTS

  Copyright

  Author’s Note

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Sneak Peek

  About Claudy

  Copyright Page

  Windmera-Desperation

  By Claudy Conn at Smashwords

  http://www.claudyconn.com

  Copyright © 2018 by Claudy Conn

  Edited by: Alicia Carmical

  Cover Artist: Dawn Sullivan

  All rights reserved

  Published in the United States of America

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Names, characters, and events depicted in this book are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, places, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author.

  Youth rambles on life’s arid mount,

  And strikes the rock and finds the vein,

  And brings the water from the fount,

  The fount which shall not flow again

  Matthew Arnold

  ~ Prologue ~

  1782

  GODWIN, LORD OF RAVENSBURY, STOOD, a lone figure on the craggy cliffs of Land’s End in Cornwall, England.

  Before him lay the ocean, its whitecaps foaming as they crashed into the jutting rocks. Those jutting craggy rocks, harsh in their greatness, looked much like weathered turrets of castles of long ago.

  He loved this scene. He belonged here. He supposed he must look to any passerby as a rough figure of a man against such a wild background. He was proud that he was much like his father had been, of imposing height and broad shoulders. Enough to make a quarrelsome chap a charmer, and his mien…he knew was a buck in his heyday and fiercely honest in his beliefs.

  His red hair swept over his eyes, wild in the wind, and he pushed it away from his face. He held his cloak with his free hand close to his chest as it whipped around him.

  A pool of water had collected from the night’s rain and he gazed at himself in its shallow depth. Aye, he thought, could she love such a devilishly looking man with such black eyes and brows? Could she?

  He had come here to his favorite place to be alone. He had to make a decision. He was young, too young, at only one and twenty, to have to make this decision, but he had no choice. He was lord and master of his home, and his home was empty and lonely.

  He had lost his parents while he was at school, when he was seventeen. Still a boy, he lost his older brother a year later, when his brother sailing a rough sea had been found with the wreckage of his sloop on the rocky beach.

  At eighteen, he was alone. He had no other family to claim as his own.

  Aye, he was Godwin, Lord Ravensbury, and with all his wealth and position, he knew deep sorrow.

  Now, though only one and twenty, he knew he wanted a family to brighten his home. He needed a family, and although he was still so young, he was quite (he told himself) grown up. He was a man. He had taken charge of his father’s prosperous holdings, of the estate, and he had done well with those responsibilities.

  Now what he needed was to keep the name alive. He loved children. Aye then, children running around his house, making it a home was what he wanted—what he needed. He could picture them dashing about, laughing, arguing, playing, and how he wanted them. They would breathe life into his stale home. The notion of fathering such a pack made him delirious with pleasure.

  A bride? Oh, but he had one in mind. She was lovely, a gentle being whose full youthful body was something he dreamed about making his own. He wanted the lovely Lisa…no, no, what was he thinking? It could never be Lisa. Lisa was lost to him.

  It would be the lovely Sara, Sara of Farenday. She would be his bride. She was a beauty, with hair the color of sun-ripened wheat and eyes the color of a clear sky. She was an innocent, so very different than Lisa.

  He would take Sara for his own and teach her what pleasure could be had in the bedroom. Hot blood raced through his loins, but a nagging voice, a voice that would not be stilled, asked if he loved Sara.

  He must love her, he answered himself. How could he not?

  He had made up his mind to take the hand of Sara Farenday and he would bring his bride to his castle and they would make it a home!

  * * * * *

  Sara Farenday sat alone on a hilltop not far from her home. Heather filled the air with sweetness as it swayed in the wind and she absently ran her hand through it, picked a few sprigs and breathed deeply.

  Her long blonde hair blew across her face and she pushed it away. She was only seventeen, and her family was forever telling her that with her beauty she could have anyone she wanted as a husband.

  So then, why didn’t they let her choose the man she wanted?

  She gazed back at the modest Tudor home in the distance. She loved her home, but her mother had inspired her to want more. Jewels and beautiful clothes, her mother had said and wagged a finger. That is what you need, what you deserve.

  Indeed, she grew up believing this was true.

  She liked those things. She liked having servants to take care of her every whim, and the only way to achieve her goals was through marriage.

  She needed a wealthy and noble peer of the realm. She would settle for nothing less and the thought of such a life became an obsession.

  Godwin of Ravensbury made her smile and though she did not love him, she felt she could endure his touch and his company, at least for a time.

  He courted her relentlessly now, but it had not always been so. Once, all he could think of was Lisa, her dearest friend. Lisa of Cotham, who was friend no more.

  Silently, she congratulated herself. It had not been an easy trick to wean him from Lisa. Careful thought and planning had come into play, and both Godwin and Lisa had been easily duped. She smiled to herself as she remembered just how easy it had been to trick both Godwin and Lisa.

  Ah, but the first time she saw Godwin, she knew he would have to be hers and hers alone. She had been riding with Lisa across the fields, as had been their habit, and there in their sights riding towards them was Godwin of Ravensbury.

  Faith, but she could still recall the wave of envy that suffocated her as she watched him with Lisa. She knew that Lisa and Godwin were in love. She saw the way they looked at one another and the way they laughed together. They were well suited.

  Even so, she determined she would have him, though it would end her friendship with the only woman who had ever called her friend. Lisa was kind and for a moment, just a moment, Sara thought perhaps she shouldn’t…but the moment passed.

  She sent Godwin inviting looks, she flirted and touched him whenever she could, though he scarcely noticed. It was curious she thought then, and now again, how entranced he was with Lisa.

  After
all, Lisa was unfashionably small, unfashionably plump, and although quite pretty with her hazel eyes and dark brown hair, she was nothing to the vision Sara knew she presented. Yet here was Godwin, a large handsome man with his title and his fortune, and in spite of the fact that Lisa was no great beauty, it was Lisa he wanted. Irritating.

  It was in that moment perhaps when Sara had hatched her plan, her devious plan, and once Sara was determined, she usually got what she wanted. She was unscrupulous and cunning.

  “Lisa…” she had said at a cotillion that very week, “I didn’t realize his lordship was courting you.” She purposely looked towards Ravensbury.

  Lisa blushed. She glanced at Sara and then hurriedly looked away. “Indeed, he is not.”

  “Oh, you naughty girl, to lie so brazenly to me, your friend!” Sara bantered purposely and with a flutter of her lashes.

  “Stop, Sara, do. ‘Tis no lie. He makes no formal court of me.”

  “But he does come to call?” Sara pursued.

  “Yes, he has paid my parents a few morning calls,” Lisa hesitantly said.

  Sara eyed her friend. Lisa had never fully trusted her and that had not mattered in the past. She had been happy for the company, for the easy friendship. She could see that Lisa did not want to confide in her now. Annoying little twit.

  “I shan’t go around the countryside chattering about you and his lordship, have no fear of that, my dear,” Sara said, and then winked. “Besides, any fool can see you want him…how could you not? I should if I were you.”

  Lisa laughed, but Sara could see that she was uncomfortable from the way she looked away and said, “Sara, you are outrageous.”

  “So, you do want him?” Sara prompted.

  “I…well, he is ever so handsome and clever and…”

  “Affluent,” Sara stuck in.

  “Sara!” Lisa was shocked. “That does not weigh with me.”

  “Ah, you think me calculating, and I suppose I am. What choice does a woman have in this world of men? We must marry well or suffer the consequences.”

  Lisa frowned. “No, a worthy character is far more important…and he adores children. He shows so much patience when my young sisters and brothers clamor around him.” Lisa sighed. “He is a good man, with a good heart.”

  “Hmmm,” Sara returned thoughtfully, and marveled that he had the patience to allow her siblings to pester him when he visited Lisa. When she visited with Lisa, she couldn’t abide the little brats.

  After that evening, Sara learned all she could about Godwin of Ravensbury and made it her purpose to ensnare him for herself.

  She watched him with Lisa and decided his feelings while engaged by Lisa, had not yet developed deeply. He seemed as though he admired and liked Lisa, and Sara thought, in time he could love her, for he certainly was attracted to Lisa, though why…she could not tell.

  Her job, Sara decided, was to nudge him while he was still vacillating with the notion of Lisa as his bride. Her job was to provide reason enough that he would be disillusioned with Lisa and thus turn to her.

  Indeed, she was just the person to win Godwin of Ravensbury, and so she made up her mind to do just that. Her friendship with Lisa? Ah, she would perhaps miss that, but she would be a lady of leisure and make new and notable friends.

  And so it began!

  ~ One ~

  THE VERY MORNING AFTER SARA set her sights on Godwin, she visited with her second cousin, Oscar Welby. He was three years her senior and just home from Cambridge for the summer. She knew he was infatuated with her.

  “Sara!” He bent low over her hand. “I could scarcely believe my eyes when I read your note asking me to come ‘round.”

  She laughed and flirted with her eyes. “La, but how could I not? I have missed you, Oscar, and was surprised when you did not immediately call on me. You naughty boy. You have been home two days!”

  Her mother, with Lisa’s arm linked with hers, made an appearance just at that moment, and Sara was pleased to look up and find Lisa looking quite pretty in her little riding habit of dark blue. Indeed, she had timed this all so very well.

  Introductions were made and though a flicker of jealousy shadowed Sara’s mindset as she watched Oscar’s face show great and immediate interest in Lisa, she was well pleased. Here was the beginning of her plans taking fruition.

  Oscar was obviously taken with Lisa.

  This fact, though most annoying, was welcome. She watched and saw Oscar, who had been infatuated with her for most of their youth, suddenly drawn to another. Though that was exactly what she had hoped for, it rankled.

  She frowned darkly but managed to keep her irritation in check. She told herself she was being absurd and perverse. She could not help but wonder, however, what it could be about her plump friend that so turned men’s heads? Godwin, and now Oscar. It was most agitating. She wanted to pinch Lisa ‘til she cried.

  She controlled herself, and Oscar and Lisa’s first meeting went just as she had hoped it would. After the two’s initial meeting, it was an easy thing to arrange more encounters as a threesome. She, escorted by a very willing Oscar, called on Lisa, went riding with Lisa and he became, Sara noted, quickly very amiable towards Lisa.

  It also piqued her to see that Lisa could make Oscar laugh so easily and that the two got on so well. She had never made Oscar laugh, and in fact remembered that as children he often scolded her not to do this or that.

  Oddly enough, when the time came for her to inaugurate the next step in her plan, she again felt a moment’s regret. Lisa had always been a good friend. In fact, Lisa had taken her part in school once when another girl had said some hurtful things.

  Her plan would end all that, and Lisa would never smile at her again when this was over. A sure and sudden sadness hit her flush in her heart before she brushed it off. She simply had no choice.

  At every opportunity, Sara made herself disagreeable to Oscar. She allowed him to draw mental contrasts between herself and the sweet Lisa. She was, after all, simply being herself, so it was an easy task. She rarely allowed anyone to hear her true opinions. No one really knew just who she was inside. Even her mother, who had guided her towards finding a wealthy and titled husband, did not know to what lengths her daughter would go to achieve that goal.

  Sara had always felt impatient with Oscar and really didn’t give a fig about him. For years she did the polite, only in the event that she did not find a wealthy lord to marry—there would be Oscar, who did not have a title but was certainly well off. She had kept him infatuated with her, kept him in the wings, just in case. If her plan now did not work, she would lose not only Lisa, but Oscar as well. Therefore, her plan must work!

  As it chanced, whenever Godwin was shown into Lisa’s sitting room, she seemed to be in a lively conversation with Oscar, and Sara was privy to the irritation that flickered over Godwin’s face.

  Sara knew that Lisa and Oscar were in the early stages. They had not progressed beyond an easy friendship…yet. She wasn’t sure what love was, but she rather fancied they might find it in one another. As to that, she didn’t care, if only she could get Godwin to believe that Lisa and Oscar were falling in love.

  On one occasion, Godwin stood uncertain as he watched Lisa and Oscar laughing over some anecdote he had told her. He frowned and looked ready to leave.

  Sara hurried to take his arm and said, “Ah, Godwin, they do get on so well, don’t they? I had long thought Oscar devoted to me, but alas, my best friend seems to be stealing his affections.”

  Godwin’s countenance took on a troubled expression, which was just what Sara wanted. Indeed, she needed to make him believe that Lisa was deliberately trying to take Oscar from her.

  Godwin was kind and bent towards her. “Now, you surely cannot believe any man could be wrested from you, Miss Sara? Your beauty is quite riveting.”

  She didn’t feel the blush she wanted to appear on her cheeks, but she managed to demure and looked at her feet.

  He laughed. “Come, st
and with me near the fire.”

  She did just that and saw Lisa gaze their way with a look of puzzlement. She wondered then if Lisa was in fact truly infatuated or in love with Godwin. Well, that would be too bad, but Sara told herself she had no choice.

  The next time the four of them were together, Sara pressed on. Time and time again, Lisa and Oscar behaved in a manner she was able to point out to Godwin in sad terms, and then her strategy unfolded just as she had hoped it would on the night of Lisa’s ball.

  Sara wore a gown of soft gold, a bit too bold for her maidenly status, as it showed the swells of her breasts. Sara had been leery about the gown, but her mother actually convinced her that it was all the rage and she must wear this gown this night, as all the eligible beaus would be present at Lisa’s ball.

  The dress was adorned with dark gold silk roses and the entire confection hugged her slim and provocative figure. Sara was aware of all the intrigued looks she was getting from the men, but she wanted only one to stare and appreciate.

  All of them were naught next to Godwin, and she could see he was aware of their admiring gazes as they looked in her direction. She bantered with Godwin, laughed with him, teased and invited him using her eyes as no seventeen-year-old maid should do. All the while, she was confident everything was falling into place and her plan would work.

  Sara left nothing to chance. Even then, at seventeen, she always knew what she needed to do to get what she wanted. She looked Godwin over for a moment. She could no longer wait ‘til she was eighteen and for her parents to give her a London Season, as they had always planned.

  She couldn’t wait, although she was not in love with Godwin and dreaded the moment she would have to give her body to him. But, again, she told herself, she had no choice.

  It was her father’s fault. Her father, who every year allowed a gypsy clan to use one of their open fields to rest their horses and recoup their supplies.