Witch Trippin'

  This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

  WITCH TRIPPIN': MAGIC AND MAYHEM UNIVERSE

  First edition. June 24, 2019.

  Copyright © 2019 claudy conn.

  ISBN: 978-1393502951

  Written by claudy conn.

  WITCH TRIPPIN’

  By Claudy Conn

  Editor: Alicia Carmical

  Artist: Dawn Sullivan

  CONTENTS

  Copyright

  Foreword

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Epilogue

  About Claudy

  Copyright

  Copyright © 2019 by Claudy Conn

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is coincidental.

  This book contains content that may not be suitable for young readers 17 and under.

  The Author of this Book has been granted permission by Robyn Peterman to use the copyrighted characters and/or worlds created by Robyn Peterman in this book. All copyright protection to the original characters and/or worlds of the Magic and Mayhem series is retained by Robyn Peterman.

  Foreward

  Blast Off with us into the Magic and Mayhem Universe!

  I’m Robyn Peterman, the creator of the Magic and Mayhem Series and I’d like to invite you to my Magic and Mayhem Universe.

  What is the Magic and Mayhem Universe, you may ask?

  Well, let me explain...

  It’s basically authorized fan fiction written by some amazing authors that I stalked and blackmailed! KIDDING! I was lucky and blessed to have some brilliant authors say yes! They have written brand new stories using my world and some of my characters. And let me tell you...the results are hilarious!

  So here it is! Blast off with us into the hilarious Magic and Mayhem Universe. Side splitting books by fantabulous authors! Check out each and every one. You will laugh your way to a magical HEA!

  For all the stories, go to https://magicandmayhemuniverse.com/. Grab your copy today!

  ~ Prologue ~

  “NO WAY, NO HOW, NOT going!” I told my mother. “No, Goddess, no. Don’t do this to me. And who names a town Assjacket, anyway? Mom, I am twenty-one and you can’t banish me.” I folded my arms across my chest for emphasis.

  “Oh, can’t I?” my mother said, with a familiar glint.

  We live in New Orleans, and I am a party girl. Assjacket couldn’t even be a place...could it? “Besides, my job...” I offered, deciding now wasn’t the time to challenge my mom. She was capable of a great many things, and besides that, I love and respect her.

  “Bennie, you are a wonderful architect and your father has been relying on your designs more and more lately, but...he will just have to do without you for a while. I am sure he can manage.”

  “But...”

  “Look, honey, Assjacket isn’t so bad,” my mother said in a soothing voice, also one I knew too well. “And it is quite a bit better than being sent to Blue Balls...where my parents sent me when I overstepped.”

  Diverted, I laughed. “Blue Balls?” Then I got serious again. “Mom...you can’t do this to me. Assjacket? How do you expect me to live in a town with a name like that?” I was beside myself. I had plans, lots of plans, and all of them were meant to take place in the party town I loved, New Orleans. “You don’t even like Marvin. I can’t believe you are doing this to me because of him. Mom, he is worse than an asswipe. He isn’t even worthy of being called a warlock. You are the one who warned me about him right from the get-go. Mom!” I could disobey, but that would bring my father into the picture, and that was another thing I didn’t want. Being twenty-one, I could just walk away...but here is the thing—kinda love my parents. Still, I am way past the age of being punished. Well, if I were a human, I would be. But not human, kinda still on leading strings.

  “If your father wasn’t on a particular mission, he would have been told about your latest...dive into darkness.” My mother patted her pretty blonde curls and eyed me reprovingly. My blondness comes from her, my green eyes from my dad. My dark brows and my volatile nature, also from my dad. Mom controls us both.

  My mother arched one of her well-shaped brows at me and put her hand on her fine hip. “Soooo, consider yourself lucky your father isn’t here. He would have sent you off without a second thought, and left you there indefinitely. Especially because he forbade you from dating Marvin and you went ahead and disregarded his wishes.”

  My father is a powerful warlock, with more magic just in his pinky than any warlock now living in New Orleans. I think the dark in me originated in him. He has control of it...me—not so much. He is in charge of several covens in our state. I was lucky just now as he is off arbitrating a territorial dispute. My mother is a wolf shifter and along with that, she has some interesting magical powers. I am a hybrid. My problem is that I know I am overloaded with dark powers. I don’t know where they come from. My parents know. I can tell by the way their eyes shift when I ask that they aren’t telling me what I need to know.

  Controlling those powers has been a challenge because I also have a temper. Dark powers feed off things like a wild disposition and a willful nature, both of which I have in abundance. I have often told my parents that it is their fault because I am an only child and they spoiled me.

  At any rate, I lost my temper because of dickhead Marvin. He decided, all by his lonesome, that I was meant to be his mate. At first, he went about it charmingly. When I didn’t give him enough of a response—not so charming.

  “What about poopface Marvin? Don’t you think he deserved to be shot into the next town? Mom, I would think you would be outraged at his behavior. He put his hands on me!”

  “Poopface Marvin, eh? That isn’t what you called him when your father and I told you he wasn’t for you. You said he was so very handsome and charming. I am, in fact, taken aback that he actually asked you to marry him. There is no use putting this all on him. You encouraged him.” My mother believes in getting to the meat of the matter and chewing. “You gave him reason to believe you liked him a great deal.”

  My mouth dropped open. I ignored what she said and got to my heart of the matter. “First of all, after that first kiss, I cooled to him and showed him, without being cruel, that I wasn’t into him. He didn’t take no for an answer. He tried to shake me into saying yes to marriage. He actually shook my shoulders, and when I wouldn’t agree to marry him, he forced a horrible wet kiss on my mouth! To be clear, he shoved his disgusting tongue down my throat against my will. I would think you...”

  “Benita! That is wrong on every level. You are quite right, but a simple slap across the face, which you are more than capable of doing, would have sufficed. You have been flirting with him for some weeks. I do agree that he should have picked up on the cold shoulder you have been trying to give him. However, some warlocks don’t easily take no for an answer, even so, what you did to him was...publically humiliating!”

  I shuffled my black boots on the hardwood floor and stared out the
kitchen window at the garden. “I didn’t mean to do that. Look, at first, he was, I thought...hot, then when I let him kiss me a couple of weeks ago, I knew...he wasn’t for me. I just knew. So I cooled it and avoided him. We don’t have the right chemistry.”

  “Indeed, but, Bennie...you sent him flying into the next county without regard for his pride, and, I daresay, you have made an enemy. That is the other reason I am sending you to Assjacket. He doesn’t need to see you for a while, until this all blows over.”

  “Not my fault. I don’t know what happens when the dark takes over...it just does,” I complained.

  “Precisely why you need to be trained, and I know of only one person who can do it properly and quickly, and protect you at the same time.” Mom was unmovable. I started to feel resigned.

  I didn’t say anything. She put her arm around me. “Look, honey, I don’t like Marvin. He is an arrogant warlock and has a great many character flaws. There is something...wicked inside of him, and it worries me that you humiliated him in front of his little band of friends. He will want revenge. You need to be able to protect yourself without going to extremes. Clara will show you how to do that.”

  “Yes, but...”

  “I know, he tried to force himself on you, but like I said, you could have slapped him and transported yourself away. Bennie...you sent him flying into the next county, strapped him to a tree...upside down in a public park!”

  “Yes.” I smiled in spite of the seriousness of the situation. “I did that, didn’t I?”

  I saw my mother’s eyes twinkle.

  “Indeed, my little girl, you also made certain his friends were there to see him, didn’t you? They didn’t happen across him by accident. You sent them there...”

  “Well, when I saw what I had done, I thought he might need help,” I said, and sucked in my bottom lip to keep from laughing.

  “Bennie...my dear daughter. Don’t you see what havoc this will cause in our community?”

  “He won’t let those two creeps he calls friends tell anyone. He has something on them. They do everything he says.”

  “Thank the Goddess, there is that. Also, I guess I should be thankful you didn’t zap him across the Atlantic. There is no telling what you can do. Bennie, you need to learn how to use your very powerful Dark Magic, and Assjacket is where you can do that without interruption,” Mom said, and left the kitchen. When she returned a moment later, it was to place two suitcases down at my feet. Not just two suitcases. They were my suitcases. “I packed everything you need.”

  I folded my arms across my chest. “Did you pack Bone-Apart?” When I was twelve and shopping with my dad in a voodoo store, a skull called my name. Most witches have familiars. I have a skull.

  “Yes, of course,” she said, and rolled her eyes. “As though I would forget your Boney.”

  Something caught my attention in that moment or I would have just gone on pleading. It was a loud something. It was a wild moment as this huge gaping hole spluttered, sizzled, and crackled. I was stunned silent, which is a rare event. I watched to find this black and blistering dark orifice opening wide, and then wider still...right there in our kitchen.

  I am pretty sure my mouth dropped open, although nothing came out. Not so with the dark hole, the damn thing belched. Oooh, ugh. Smelled like salami.

  The black and cavernous hole gave off sparks just before a round, gray-haired woman, who I would have described as a not so sweet grandmother type, except that she had on a black pointed hat, a black cape, and a black dress, stepped out of the black hole. She adjusted her spectacles, patted her gray bun, which was twirled at the nape of her neck, and looked directly at me. “Ah, there you are. Come along. I haven’t time to waste.”

  “Wait, what?” I turned to my mother. “No...this can’t be happening.”

  My mother smiled encouragingly and said, “Be happy I didn’t send for Bermangoggleshitz.”

  “Bermangoggleshitz? Is that a real name?” I was taken aback.

  “Yes,” said the grandmother from hell type in the black, pointed hat. “Well, it became real when Zelda took to calling him that.” She eyed my mother. “You didn’t tell her, did you?” She clucked and wagged a finger at my mother. “I’m surprised at you, dear, she needs to know.”

  “Tell me? Tell me what? What do I need to know?”

  “No, I didn’t tell her, Clara.” Mom turned to me. “This is my very dear friend, Clara, Queen of the Land of the Dark,” my mother said.

  I laughed. Clara didn’t look like anything I thought the Queen of the Land of the Dark would look like. “Yeah, like there is such a place.”

  “There was,” the elderly woman, who my mother called a very dear friend, said, and nodded. She sighed. “Long gone now. Long gone.”

  She made a face at my mother. “You left it to me, didn’t you? I can’t believe you left it all to me to explain to her, Sarah. How is it, her father didn’t explain? She is a walking, talking, most powerful...ah, well.” She shook her head. “I suppose I shall have to do the deed during her training.”

  “Wait, what? Who is Bermangoggleshitz, what do I need to know, and explain what?” I demanded, but didn’t expect to receive an answer, as no one was paying any attention to me.

  I was surprised when Clara sighed and said, “Bermangoggleshitz is a warlock of many dark talents. He helped Zelda get control of her Dark Magic, but your problem is quite different than Zelda’s, so he isn’t the one to train you. Besides, he has a new lease on life. He straightened up because of that daughter of his, Sassy, and Marge,” she said to me, then looked at my mother. “You realize I will need to unleash Benita’s dark powers. She needs to learn to call them up and then use them with precision and expertize. She needs to know when to curtail them. I am very disappointed that you did not tell her what she is,” Clara said, and glared at my mother again.

  I joined her in that glare. “Yeah, I’m disappointed, too, Mom!”

  “Clara, we never knew what to do about the darkness in Bennie. It was so different from her father’s. We didn’t want to burden her with her connection to...well, not while she was growing up. Now that you are going to school her, I thought you would be able to explain it all,” my mother said.

  “Wait—what in the hell is going on here? Explain what to me?” I tried again.

  “Never mind. We’ll get to that, come along now,” Clara said, and reached for my hand.

  I jumped back. “No, wait, tell me, how can an earthly witch have enough magic and experience to help my bat-shit crazy darkside?” I asked, I thought reasonably.

  “Child, you have a great deal to learn. I am not an earthly witch. I am an immortal...like you,” she snapped.

  “But...you...well...you look...immortal witches don’t age,” I objected.

  She waved a hand over herself. “Oh, this? Glamour. It is a form I have adapted for now, because, well, never mind that now.” She twirled her finger and my suitcases went helter-skelter into the black hole. While I watched this, she got a hold of my hand and I couldn’t break free.

  “Mommmmm?” I called out desperately, but I knew Mom was in one of her ‘this is for your own good’ moods.

  The next thing I knew, we were traveling helter-skelter through that same black hole. Oh, geez, this was really happening!

  ~ One ~

  WE LANDED, OR RATHER, CLARA landed on a stretch of green lawn, her conical black hat askew and her black dress twisted. She, however, was standing on her half-booted feet.

  Me—not standing, but tumbling and getting grass stains all over my jeans and pretty white tank top.

  The black hole closed in on itself, belched again, most definitely the scent of salami filled the air, then the darn thing vanished. Not my favorite way to travel.

  I caught my breath and sat on my ass because what met my eyes then made me blink.

  Right before my eyes was a house in the shape of an old, brown leather boot. It was three stories high, with, I must admit, charming lead-paned windows,
ornamented with flower boxes loaded with colorful blooms.

  I stared. Was I in some kind of never-ending nightmare? Was Assjacket in the world of Oz? Where the frig was I?

  “On your feet, child,” Clara said.

  “But your house is...is...”

  “Quaint and charming, I know. I copied it from a house in a fairy tale,” she said, and sighed happily. “You will have the entire third floor to yourself. I sent your suitcases up already. So go on up, unpack, and come down for lunch.”

  “Yes, but...” I started. I turned at the sound of joyful little barks.

  Clara clapped her hands and said, “Oh, look, it is Zelda and her twin pups!”

  I watched as the redheaded woman she called Zelda gave her a hug, then eyed me quietly.

  Two wolf pups shifted into human toddlers, giggled, and ran about and dove teasingly at a pert and pretty blonde woman who was squealing with delight as she tried to gather them into order.

  The two toddlers shifted back into wolf pups, and I heard one of them yelp. Zelda called out, “Audrey, don’t bite your brother’s ear!”

  “Rambunctious and delightful,” Clara exclaimed, and eyed me, then the redhead. “Zelda, this is Benita. You remember I explained her situation to you and that she would be staying with me for a time.”

  “Yeah, but, Clara, you said she had some dark in her.” Zelda shook her head. “Damn, I can feel her super power is full of boiling trouble. It isn’t like mine at all. It’s worse. She doesn’t just have Dark Magic in her, Clara...she is Dark Magic.”

  “Not!” I said, much annoyed. “I’m a hybrid. My dad is a warlock, my mom is a wolf shifter.”

  Clara laughed. It had a nervous edge to it. She waved it all off and said, “Well, speaking of trouble? Right there. Look at your two. Shifter and super witch.”

  Zelda gave Clara a long look and asked, “Sure you don’t want Sassy’s father to help you?”

  “No. What we have here is complicated, and besides that, I work alone,” Clara said firmly. “I discussed it with Baba Yaga and she agrees.”